Why are they letting me take him home? I decide that I hate this baby. But until I had my own, I had no concept of how constantly demanding it is to care for them. Throwawaycat Tue 23-May-17 14:23:18. Battered Hope (Weeks 8–12) I’ll never forget the first time baby No. I cry because I ruined my life. He will not have it. Now to get over the hurdle of getting him to take the breast. My husband is embarrassed and hushes me. Admitting that things are not where you want them to be is … I am going home with this baby I do not like at all. I am exhausted and in pain. To have the tap turned off, without warning, after 10 years together, is the most devastating, painful thing. Second, even if a couple can eke out a little time together, the effort seems to require a major mobilization of forces. I hate that I have acted just like how you are describing your wife. I am told the child is developing jaundice. You need other people in your life for support, friendship and a shoulder to cry on. WATCH: Does having a baby make you resent your partner? Eventually, the baby started sleeping through the night. My husband goes back to work and I am alone with this child I hate. I have a wave of joy come over me, but still no love when I gaze in my baby's direction. I hate this baby I waited for the first six years of my marriage. I have to forcefully push his face into my breast and after five minutes of wailing he actually latches on and starts sucking. I personally it is so many different things. “I had this negative image of what it would be like from popular culture. “It’s a major identity shift for all parents,” she says, as I feel the cortisol starting to lower. In the end, it wasn’t my new baby’s daily poops, but my husband’s that pushed me over the edge. We're not perfect, but I don't think I would want us to be. Part of HuffPost News. Oh, go right ahead. ... I’m adept at doing things in the rest of my life … I can not believe it worked. After a short while I hand the baby off to my husband and I cry myself to sleep. Still, not a drop of anything is coming out. Wow! He is wailing. Aren't I supposed to feel some sort of immediate bond for this little thing sleeping in the other room? She loves to read, write and spend time with family. I'm 18 and my LO is 5months, my partner is 19. Take your time. Now, we want to tackle a little-discussed but often-experienced side effect of bringing a life into this world: resenting your partner. I am a total an utter failure. Nothing comes out. In fact, I hate him. I pump and get four ounces! All rights reserved. What kind of mother hates her baby? Nothing works. I realize at that moment I have not spoken one word to this child since he was born. No, they don't. Maybe we can actually do this, my sweet baby and I. She supports that decision. © Copyright MAMALODE 2017 All Rights Reserved. Sign up to get the best in wellness, relationships, royals, food and more on Wednesdays and Sundays. I am told it can take up to three days and not to worry. We go on to have four more babies, including twins, over the next five years. For Sophie, maintaining a social life after having a baby was a big deal. I see a pregnant lady and say to my husband loudly “sucker, she doesn't even know what's coming..” and I laugh and laugh. I hate changing diapers. It felt like I’d become the manager of our lives, and it wasn’t a job I wanted. The baby still will not latch on. I wrote this story because I know I am not the only one that does not feel an immediate bond with her child. Women with the baby blues tend to see their symptoms subside after only a few weeks, but women with postpartum depression (PPD) tend to suffer from more severe mood swings or extreme sadness for much longer. It feels weird and uncomfortable when I try so I stop. I’ve heard it all at this point. Not a word. I've always known I want a family. Why did I choose to become a mother? I have low energy from little sleep, low iron, a lot of pain and this struggle with feeding. First, that I had a little resentment that I go through all the shit of pregnancy, childbirth and then taking care of the baby (yes my husband tries to help as much as possible but still). I attempt to wash dishes and when he starts to cry I stand at the sink frozen and I cry thinking “not again”. Having experienced the same feeling for a few years, I now know the grief was over being childless, or more poignantly, over the loss of the baby I never held in my arms. 'I just hate my life now, the sleep deprivation, the drudgery, the monotony, and I feel so guilty and ashamed for feeling this way. I am mad at him. I feel empty and sad. ©2020 Verizon Media. To end fibroid pain, this writer decided to get a hysterectomy at age 41. I tell my husband I want lots and lots of babies. You can also follow her on . I fear they will take him away or put me in a mental hospital if I speak up. It totally sucks. I assumed that’s how it was because none of … And then, the best sound in the world, followed by the worst: my husband’s key in the front door, and then his voice saying, “Just need to run to the bathroom.”. I decide that I hate this baby. My husband agreed. But, that’s easier said than done when you’re in the trenches. I know it, but my body just isn't making enough for him. Over the week the nursing gets better and better. It feels unnatural and stupid! He treated me very poorly after I delivered by c-section. He cries a lot. I got a visit from a public health nurse that helped me show this child how to nurse. I hate having to take them to sports or activities so they're not bored. Plus, I can see now that my husband wasn’t exactly having the time of his life that year, either. I spent an hour getting 43 internal and external stitches. Overnight, I’d morphed from an ambitious workaholic to a walking milk dispenser. I never have. She already had two children, so the deep feeling of loss after her hysterectomy was surprising. Maybe I really can produce milk for him. I am so messed up in the head! I feel empty and sad. I do not want to go pick him up. I hate cleaning up after my kids. “EAT FROM ME, BABY!” is what I want to scream at this little person that I hate. First, after having a baby, time becomes their most precious commodity. He still will not eat from me. To mention one: five weeks after I had a baby, he brought his mom here and told me to take care of her. I didn't know that back then and I felt like I was the only one. He is hungry. What am I doing wrong? I had spent my life around kids. Within a year I moved to a new country, got married, and had a baby boy. I am taught how to syringe feed him so that I do not make matters worse by introducing an artificial nipple. 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